Braving New Normals with Hands-on Comforting
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In times of uncertainty or hardship, our best comforts can be the simple ones that make life feel normal. When we face new normals in our lives, we humans have an amazing instinct for keeping ourselves steady with hands-on activities, no matter how mundane. We ground ourselves with practical routines such as watering our plants, folding laundry, baking lasagna, or cleaning out the woodshed. And further, we can derive a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction by completing simple tasks that yield immediate results. We can see, touch or taste the outcome?shiny clean tiles, a hemmed pair of pants, an organized file drawer, a fresh baked casserole.
Since the economic downturn over the past few years, Americans have been gravitating more to hands-on, high-touch interests, discovering the joys of crafts, cooking, home decoration (using ?granny chic? and recycling old things in lovely new ways) and home-building projects.
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Our Comfort Guide for April/May 2012, Amy Handy
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Amy Handy, Artist, Writer, Editor, and Owner of Clay Play, Yarmouth, Maine (with daughter, Veronica, on right)
My Comfort Guide this month, Amy Handy, the warm and gracious owner of Clay Play, a ceramic studio in Yarmouth, Maine, is the perfect person to inspire hands-on comforting. Amy was profiled in my book, The Art of Comforting, right at the start of the economic downturn. She reports that this year she has hosted more families than ever before coming to her studio to play and create pottery together. Many of these families told her that they were searching for ways to enjoy their ?staycations? in these times of high gas prices that prohibit long distance travel. Amy asserts, ?The slow recovery from the economic downturn has actually brought more customers to us. People are looking for ways to have fun where they can make things instead of buy things, closer to home.?
In addition to family visits, Amy also hosts Diva Nights for women, team-building events for businesses, and creative meetings for organizations and professional associations. ?When people are painting their pieces, sitting together at a big table, I love how relaxed and friendly the conversations can be. People open up and tell stories, laugh, share memories.?
Last week I enjoyed talking with Amy about comforting ourselves and our loved ones when we are facing new normals in our lives, such as economic changes, illness or other losses. Here is our Q&A.
Val: What do you think families can do for comfort in times of change?
Amy: ?First of all, we have to make time to just be together?just to hang out. In other words, we need to schedule time together to enjoy the simple things. Going to the park and playing with Frisbees, or hula hoops or kites. Playing with our pets. Playing board games. Sitting down together for a home-cooked meal. Or watching a favorite TV show together?and shows can become precious little rituals. For example, every week my daughter, Veronica, and I watch Project Runway together. Veronica, 14, is artistic and loves fashion and design, and this show gets her inspired about getting through high school and getting into an art college some day. Participating as a parent in just the sheer enjoyment of this TV show does wonders for our bonding time, considering how busy and overwhelming life can get for us.?
Val: So, in addition to finding simple activities to enjoy together, what is it about hands-on projects that comfort us?
Amy: ?In my studio, I watch groups of people and families spanning from ages 8 to 80, all sitting at the same table creating art together. These are multigenerational activities, and it is refreshing to witness how the hands-on projects bridge communication across different generations. Everyone can participate, and no one is left out.?
Val: You are so right, Amy, about the comfort of cross-generational activities. One of my happiest girlhood memories is a summer ritual when my grandmother, aunt, and I strolled down to a creek to pick fresh water cress and used it for our salads for the whole family.
Amy: ?Yes. Hands-on experiences like that bring us together. And another thing about hands-on comfort is the joy of seeing the results! My favorite part of running Clay Play each day is hearing the comments of delight and surprise when people come in to pick up their finished pieces from the kiln. I feel so good when I hear people say things like, ?Wow, that really turned out better than I thought.? Or, ?Gosh that piece is nice enough to give as a gift for my friend?s birthday.?? When our lives are in limbo, or when nothing seems to be going right, it?s reassuring to hold something useful or beautiful in your hands that you made.?
Val: When we make things for each other or for ourselves, we can often keep them as a kind of keepsake to cheer us up on other days. We can put things out on our desk or up on our wall.
Amy: ?Right. Many of my customers bring the mugs or plates their kids painted for them to their workplaces?a conversation piece for sure. Some of the big trays painted by hospice volunteers have brought comfort to families in hospice settings.?People have painted memory pieces in honor of loved ones, or made gifts for family members who are ill.?
Val: Amy, is there anything else you would like to add about hands-on comforting?
Amy:? ?Yes, I would like to emphasize how important it is to have outlets, especially passions, in times of uncertainty or financial anxiety. No matter how crazy our new normals can get, or how scary the world can get, the healthiest people I know are the ones who have a passion for something. Music, writing, birds, sports, gardening ?something that lights them up instantly. Just the sheer joy of doing something they love. Even if we have to work a ?day job? to pay the bills, or run gazillions of errands to keep up with the demands of daily life, we need to stay true to our callings. We can be very comforting for others when we support and encourage the passions of the ones we love. Show an interest in their passion and cheer them on to keep it up!?
So, the world might be going to hell in a hand basket, but that doesn?t stop your aunt Jessie from cranking out her embroidered pillows to spruce up the barest of rooms. Thank goodness for having things to make and cherish!
ALL THINGS COMFORTING REVIEWS
Comfort Book of the Month
The Art of Growing Old:? Aging?with Grace?by Marie de Hennezel
Marie de Hennezel, a French clinical psychologist and bestselling author, has written a warmly courageous book that helps us face head-on the changes coming our way as we step into life as elders.?She addresses the grief of aging, but also embraces the promise of sharing the best of ourselves in our later years. One part in particular that I loved is where she discusses the importance of taking an?interest in?others?and reaching out. I admit, that as I now approach my later 50s and?think more about?my 60s and 70s, this book has actually given me a sense of?excitement?about my future.
Here is a link to a lovely interview about aging?with Marie de Hennezel last year:
http://www.americanlibraryinparis.org/blog/2011/04/interview-with-marie-de-hennezel/
Comfort Movie of the Month
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel???????????????????????(Wide Release May 2012)
Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Tom Wilkinson, Bill Nighy
All I can say is I adore?each of these wonderful, older British actors, even if the story about a retirement home in India gets a bit predictable. The setting in India provides a colorful and?interesting background for a fun, sit-back-and-chuckle couple of hours. The actors are all gems, and that?s good enough for me. And young Dev Patel from Slumdog Millionaire keeps up with these guys pretty well too.
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